My Life of the Day 10-29-10

So, there's not much to say for today. I've been on my blog pretty much all day, I made Tay's blog for her, I didn't get around to recording the songs today (which will go up on my Music/Movies Blog tomorrow. Link: http://www.musicmoviesblog-allison2433.blogspot.com/) and I talked to Nick for a little while.

In case you're curious, this past wednesday I found out that I might not be able to go back to Vintage until February and I cried. A lot. And Nick is the person I always cry to, I just don't let him know I'm crying. That's the beauty of texting. But also, I was really upset because he's been with Brit for almost 3 months now...it just feels like a long time...I don't want him to be in love with her...and I don't want him to change his mind about me...I guess I'm just genuinely terrified to lose him.

But I didn't tell him the second part of what had me so upset. And it's annoying the crap outta him. He hates it when I'm like "I have something that I need to say" and then I don't tell him what it is. Which, technically, what I needed to tell him was that there was another reason besides the thing about Vintage that had me upset. I did tell him that. I just wouldn't tell him what it was. I don't wanna make him feel bad for trying to be happy. And I don't wanna cause problems that could otherwise be avoided.

I do, however, enjoy annoying him. Cuz it's fun ^-^ but he's not the innocent little victim, either, he does it right back.

On another note, I haven't talked to Austin since...actually for probably a week or two. Oh well. I still have no clue what Imma do yet about the whole him and Nick thing...the way I see it, if Nick can date other people, so can I.

Two problems with that, though:

1. Whenever I date anyone besides him, I feel like I'm cheating on him, and I always worry about if he's gonna get jealous or hurt because I wanna avoid that. I don't wanna knowingly hurt him.
2. I don't wanna feel like I'm using Austin as a rebound or to get to Nick.

Something you should always ask yourself before dating a new person is this:
"Would I be dating them still if the other person I want was available?"

The answer to that, in my case, if I'm being 100% honest with myself....would probably be no....but the difference is this: me and Nick have been on and off since we were 13. I'm turning 16 next Saturday. No one does, can, or ever will be able to compare to him....he's my soul mate, I think. I've thought that for 3 years now....the problem is he doesn't truely know it yet. Granted he knows to an extent, but that extent was only brought up once and it was almost 3 months ago...I just don't want him to change his mind about me. Especially not because of her....

Well, this was my life today. Consider your life wasted by reading this. Here's a duck.