So, my birthday is next saturday. I'm turning 16. I'm having this huge party thing. We rented out the auditorium at Singleton and I'm having about 100 people there.
See originally, I had a list of 102 people outside of family and mom was gonna try to get ahold of Ryan or Chad to see if Nickelback would play (she's cool with the band. Like I said, she's a stripper, so she meets people.) But Ryan recently got married and she couldn't get ahold of Chad so I got a friend's band playing.
I was gonna have Deadfall Rd. play cuz David - last I checked - kinda liked me....
BUT I've been friends with Luke since 5th grade. And he's an epic drummer. Plus Alec has played guitar for 7 or 8 years now and he's AMAZING so they'll be great.
But, see, I have this problem...I sorta intentionally invited both Josh and Wheeler mostly to make Nick feel uncomfortable cuz he can't bring his gf...and Austin will be there...I guess as my date...
I'm not trying to make him jealous. I'm not trying to use anyone. I'm definately not trying to hurt anyone...I just wanna be around the people who I care about. But...I don't know...I love Nick...I...I don't know what to expect with him and Austin together. I don't want drama.
But I know for a fact that I can't make Austin happy. Even if I tried. He may think I can but...if I can't be happy with him, he can't be happy with me. No one can be genuinely happy in a non-lasting relationship. I mean, it's inevitable that we break up. So why start something that's destined to fail?
Every relationship has two potential results: you get married or you break up. It's just the way it is...
I know I won't marry Austin. He's not the one. And if he's with me, it holds him back from finding the right person...it's selfish...besides, I love Nick...what am I trying to prove? I guess I wanna scare him a little...but that's not the only reason I like Austin.
Why can't it be easier? When two people are meant to be together, it's insanely obvious to everyone around them BUT them. I know it. Nick...I hope he knows...f*** I hate this. How am I supposed to see him next week and pretend that I'm happy? I know I have to...and Twitch wants in on it as my accomplice haha. But...I don't know...I can't stand the person I have to be right now...but I don't have much of a choice...
No comments:
Post a Comment